DO you ever get those days where everything just builds up? Nothing in particular is making you feel on edge, but everything is pissing you off. For me it's like the wheels have fallen off. I really do love my routine, love my time by myself. The last two weeks though have been so out of whack.
Chatterbox moved in permanently and due to suspension from school then facing expulsion she hasn't attended school for 2 weeks and 2 days while we waited for the new school to accept her. So I have had a teen in my house every day all day. Not saying it was bad but just not my usual day. It has helped us get on track with each other though which has been positive. Since she was home and missing work I've brought some extra books for her to do work from...maths and english. I've seen her weak points and have spent numerous hours with her trying to help her understand. I am no maths teacher so find it hard to explain how to do something I already know the answer to. But it's great when she "gets" it.
On top of a teen I've also had dh home for a week and a couple random days last week. He had a boil. Just a boil. But due to his constant picking, poking and prodding at it it got infected. Infected to the point the hospital last week thought he had a flesh eating bug. He was due to go back to the hospital on Monday to have possible surgery ( I was thinking worse case scenario of amputation). Instead they tell him oops they got the diagnosis wrong. It's a strain of flesh eating bug, just a staph infection. Gave him a week off work. A WHOLE WEEK. So, stuck with a teen and my Dh. Most would rejoice but I am not as it's created a very very messy house. I would love him to have a week off without an infection so we could do lunch together or something. I have had to endure him laying on the lounge for most of the days acting as though it's the end of the world. He contemplated one day walking bub in the pram up the hill....hmmm...time to get off the lounge if he thinks he can do that.
Finally, i have had miss s home sick since Monday. She was sick on and off last week missing random days of school. Then last Friday completely crashed. I took her to the dr as I have never seen her so still and refusing food. It was viral of course, everything is viral isn't it (unless it's dh's boil turned to flesh eating bug turned to staph infection). Plenty of rest she said and a few more days off school. Thankfully yesterday she returned, well enough.
So now I just need a break. I want to be in my own house alone. Just a few hours is all I ask. I want a clean house. I think this week I have become even more obsessive with tidying up. I am not a clean freak as in scrubbing every nook and cranny, but I like things tidy and in their place. I like the table and benches wiped. If something is used and finished with I want it packed away not left there. But this week just hasn't happened like that.
linking with the following
flash blog friday with twinkle in the eye
flog ya blog friday with, with some grace
TGIF with You know it happens at your house too
Best in Blog with great fun 4 kids
I blog on Tuesdays with diary of a SAHM
Friday 31 August 2012
Thursday 23 August 2012
not a good wife, not a good person
I am not a good wife. I wouldn't like me as a wife if I was the husband. There's a song on my ipod shuffle called help me love. I can't find the lyrics anywhere to write out here. I used to listen to it over and over again trying to soak up the words and hope they'd help me be a better wife. I have all intentions to be but stuff just gets in the way. Or the feeling of well he doesn't do such and such for me so why should I? but I should try harder. I try hard with my friends, so why not with him. He's the father of our children. He's the one I will be with for the rest of my life.
Then I tell people that his daughter has moved in with us full time and due to what we have been through the reaction I get is wow, what a good person you must be. Or wow, you're a good mum to do that I don't think I could. But I am not trying to be a good person by doing it. I am not doing it for brownie points (that would be too draining in fact as I would have to be fake every day). It was one of those things that was truly placed in our hands and we accepted it. A month ago I would no way have been a "good person". If anyone said chatterbox was to move in I would have run a mile. I contemplated moving out with the kids if that ever happened. See, a good person would not be so spiteful. A good person would have taken it in their stride and done the best for the child involved and pushed their fears and bad feelings aside. Instead I swear i was blinded, manipulated and brainwashed by dh's ex. I know that sounds stupid. But she really placed the seed of doubt. She did her best to water it. I thought I was being a good person by trying to help her and dh communicate about chatterbox. In fact I was getting sucked in by a person with not very good intentions and was becoming a not very nice person at all. But I still thought I was doing the right things because I felt sorry for his ex being a single parent and dealing with chatterbox alone. I should have instead been a good person and good wife and stuck by my husband. Not let BM drive a knife through us. The knife is gone now. BM has moved away and things seem different. I don't feel the resentment. With that gone I do hope to become a better wife.
linking with Things I can't say for Pour Your Heart Out and twinkle in the eye for Flash Blog Friday
Then I tell people that his daughter has moved in with us full time and due to what we have been through the reaction I get is wow, what a good person you must be. Or wow, you're a good mum to do that I don't think I could. But I am not trying to be a good person by doing it. I am not doing it for brownie points (that would be too draining in fact as I would have to be fake every day). It was one of those things that was truly placed in our hands and we accepted it. A month ago I would no way have been a "good person". If anyone said chatterbox was to move in I would have run a mile. I contemplated moving out with the kids if that ever happened. See, a good person would not be so spiteful. A good person would have taken it in their stride and done the best for the child involved and pushed their fears and bad feelings aside. Instead I swear i was blinded, manipulated and brainwashed by dh's ex. I know that sounds stupid. But she really placed the seed of doubt. She did her best to water it. I thought I was being a good person by trying to help her and dh communicate about chatterbox. In fact I was getting sucked in by a person with not very good intentions and was becoming a not very nice person at all. But I still thought I was doing the right things because I felt sorry for his ex being a single parent and dealing with chatterbox alone. I should have instead been a good person and good wife and stuck by my husband. Not let BM drive a knife through us. The knife is gone now. BM has moved away and things seem different. I don't feel the resentment. With that gone I do hope to become a better wife.
linking with Things I can't say for Pour Your Heart Out and twinkle in the eye for Flash Blog Friday
Thankful Thursday
Linking today with Kate Says stuff for Thankful Thursday and with First day of My LIfe for Thankful Thursday
Thankful that so far chatterbox is settling in well. Hopefully a good start means a good thing and isn't anything false to get us on side. But I do honestly think she isn't intentionally harming anyone.
Am thankful for my brand new laptop. Not much different from my old one lol but it's nice to have something new.
Today was such a warm day , so I am really thankful that spring is near. I feel alive
Thankful that so far chatterbox is settling in well. Hopefully a good start means a good thing and isn't anything false to get us on side. But I do honestly think she isn't intentionally harming anyone.
Am thankful for my brand new laptop. Not much different from my old one lol but it's nice to have something new.
Today was such a warm day , so I am really thankful that spring is near. I feel alive
Wednesday 22 August 2012
Sunday 19 August 2012
windows of happiness
Linking up for windows of happiness with my mummy daze.
I wrote last week saying i would do a post each week about my kids. This week has been hectic. Not in a bad way. Just busy.
Miss S had her first real sick days from school last Thursday and Friday. I got up in the early hours on Thursday morning aroudn 2am to get a bottle for bub. Saw a tiny bundle all curled up on the lounge, and there was miss s. I immediately sat with her despite a baby screaming for her bottle, and asked what was wrong. She told me her tummy hurt and she couldn't walk all the way to our bedroom. My heart jsut broke hearing her say that. How long had she been there for ?? I got dh up to help miss s to our room so I could look after bub. I spent the rest of the night cuddling up to miss s, hoping she would be ok. She ended up having two days off school as was still weak on Friday. We had pizza on Friday night which she did not eat. So unlike miss s not to eat. She was well enough for her soccer game on Saturday and even scored a goal!!
Little man has had a busy time up in the cubby house. He got dh to put wire up around the cubby house like a construction site and has been bringing tools and wood etc up there. It was adorable to watch. He had his mind set on something and jsut kept going. I bought him some little fire trucks today. He took them to bed with him. I love how he takes a favourite or new toy to bed with him. He always takes his "raffie" (a soft giraffe toy) no matter what. This week he started something called little ninja's. It's where little kids can go to learn skills like self defence, etc. I hope he goes back as he really enjoyed it.Last sunday he lost his dummy. Gone! He was devastated so I used that as my opportunity to get rid of it. In return he got a vulcan nerf gun. He is chuffed with it!!
Bub...well, she is as full on as ever. But we love her to bits. The photo is one of her attempting to find a rafferty's garden fruit bar. I used to keep them in that cupboard until she could reach them herself.
yes she used the bottom drawer that is open, to climb up onto the bench to look in the cupboard for a fruit bar. The cutest thing is that she calls her little flipout lounge her "loungeroom". Cracks me up. Everything she does is adorable(except for the 2yr old tantrum).
I wrote last week saying i would do a post each week about my kids. This week has been hectic. Not in a bad way. Just busy.
Miss S had her first real sick days from school last Thursday and Friday. I got up in the early hours on Thursday morning aroudn 2am to get a bottle for bub. Saw a tiny bundle all curled up on the lounge, and there was miss s. I immediately sat with her despite a baby screaming for her bottle, and asked what was wrong. She told me her tummy hurt and she couldn't walk all the way to our bedroom. My heart jsut broke hearing her say that. How long had she been there for ?? I got dh up to help miss s to our room so I could look after bub. I spent the rest of the night cuddling up to miss s, hoping she would be ok. She ended up having two days off school as was still weak on Friday. We had pizza on Friday night which she did not eat. So unlike miss s not to eat. She was well enough for her soccer game on Saturday and even scored a goal!!
Little man has had a busy time up in the cubby house. He got dh to put wire up around the cubby house like a construction site and has been bringing tools and wood etc up there. It was adorable to watch. He had his mind set on something and jsut kept going. I bought him some little fire trucks today. He took them to bed with him. I love how he takes a favourite or new toy to bed with him. He always takes his "raffie" (a soft giraffe toy) no matter what. This week he started something called little ninja's. It's where little kids can go to learn skills like self defence, etc. I hope he goes back as he really enjoyed it.Last sunday he lost his dummy. Gone! He was devastated so I used that as my opportunity to get rid of it. In return he got a vulcan nerf gun. He is chuffed with it!!Bub...well, she is as full on as ever. But we love her to bits. The photo is one of her attempting to find a rafferty's garden fruit bar. I used to keep them in that cupboard until she could reach them herself.
yes she used the bottom drawer that is open, to climb up onto the bench to look in the cupboard for a fruit bar. The cutest thing is that she calls her little flipout lounge her "loungeroom". Cracks me up. Everything she does is adorable(except for the 2yr old tantrum).The week that was
Only 9 days ago, even less I was questioning my marriage and would it last. The day after writing THAT post things got even worse. We fought all morning. I am not usually one to cry in public but I couldn't even say hello to miss s friends mum at soccer without crying. I highly considered going away for a week with the kids. I took time to see the lady who visited my a week or so ago (read here). We talked heaps and she said I have lots of thinking to do about where i want to be etc.
Then things changed in what seemed like a split second. BM refused to pick up chatterbox simply because my DH pissed her off. Dh took chatterbox over and BM literally shut the door in both their faces and told them DH is to keep chatterbox as he went against what consequences she had set. Now ffs, even though i was not getting on with chatterbox that weekend I knew she'd done nothing wrong so I didn't see the big deal. So chatterbox came home to us. In the split second when dh rang and told me BM shut the door on chatterbox things changed. A mother doesn't just do that to their child. Especially a troubled child. AND just to get back at her ex. If BM was truly concerned about chatterbox and thought that my dh does such a crap job she'd have snapped her back up in a second and not let dh see her. But instead she did the opposite. The resentment and hate I felt suddenly left.
The next day we sent chatterbox off to school and dh rang child support to find out what steps to take to have chatterbox full time. It kind of just happened. No lengthy discussions. But we both silently agreed I guess that chatterbox was not in a safe secure environment with her mother. We later discussed it with chatterbox and gave her the option to choose to stay with us as opposed to moving to Sydney. She seemed happy. Things just fell into place. I even decided that she'd be best to have bub's room as it's more private and bub would then be closer to miss s and little man. SO the weekend was taken up with a major room change over. Pictured is bub's new room. I love it. It suits her so much better.
Our aim for chatterbox is to try and give her freedom but with limits. We've given her a laptop(and I got a new one yippee yay!!) but it's time restricted and can be web site restricted if need be. We ask she attends church once a month with us for now and if she does that for us we allow her to sleep at a friends house of her choice and in her time there they do what they want providing she makes it back home to us when required the next day. Chatterbox so far seems ok with this which is great.
Things feel different. The mother has left town as of today. Her farewell to chatterbox on Friday night was a slap across the face and to tell her she does not want to see her again. Charming.
So at this stage it's baby steps but we pray to build chatterbox's trust and give her the love and consistency she needs.
linking with jess at diary of a SAHM for i blog on tuesdays and with some grace for Flog ya Blog Friday
Then things changed in what seemed like a split second. BM refused to pick up chatterbox simply because my DH pissed her off. Dh took chatterbox over and BM literally shut the door in both their faces and told them DH is to keep chatterbox as he went against what consequences she had set. Now ffs, even though i was not getting on with chatterbox that weekend I knew she'd done nothing wrong so I didn't see the big deal. So chatterbox came home to us. In the split second when dh rang and told me BM shut the door on chatterbox things changed. A mother doesn't just do that to their child. Especially a troubled child. AND just to get back at her ex. If BM was truly concerned about chatterbox and thought that my dh does such a crap job she'd have snapped her back up in a second and not let dh see her. But instead she did the opposite. The resentment and hate I felt suddenly left.
The next day we sent chatterbox off to school and dh rang child support to find out what steps to take to have chatterbox full time. It kind of just happened. No lengthy discussions. But we both silently agreed I guess that chatterbox was not in a safe secure environment with her mother. We later discussed it with chatterbox and gave her the option to choose to stay with us as opposed to moving to Sydney. She seemed happy. Things just fell into place. I even decided that she'd be best to have bub's room as it's more private and bub would then be closer to miss s and little man. SO the weekend was taken up with a major room change over. Pictured is bub's new room. I love it. It suits her so much better. 
Our aim for chatterbox is to try and give her freedom but with limits. We've given her a laptop(and I got a new one yippee yay!!) but it's time restricted and can be web site restricted if need be. We ask she attends church once a month with us for now and if she does that for us we allow her to sleep at a friends house of her choice and in her time there they do what they want providing she makes it back home to us when required the next day. Chatterbox so far seems ok with this which is great. Things feel different. The mother has left town as of today. Her farewell to chatterbox on Friday night was a slap across the face and to tell her she does not want to see her again. Charming.
So at this stage it's baby steps but we pray to build chatterbox's trust and give her the love and consistency she needs.
linking with jess at diary of a SAHM for i blog on tuesdays and with some grace for Flog ya Blog Friday
Thursday 16 August 2012
Thankful Thursady
Linking with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday.
We've had a huge week already which I will post about soon. As a result of this week there's a few things to be thankful for...
That dh and I are finally working together in regards to chatterbox. I went from a bawling mess all day Saturday thinking of an escape plan to get away from here for a while, to I just feel calm this week.
I am thankful to my sister who has given me enough trust to let me share the same diet plan with her and as a result have already lost 4 kg. I have barely changed what I actually eat which is perfect and I have not had to go to extremes to lose this weight
I am thankful that miss S has chosen and stuck with gorgeous little friends since last year and as a result I have very caring friends who look out for each other.
What things are you thankful for today?
We've had a huge week already which I will post about soon. As a result of this week there's a few things to be thankful for...
That dh and I are finally working together in regards to chatterbox. I went from a bawling mess all day Saturday thinking of an escape plan to get away from here for a while, to I just feel calm this week.
I am thankful to my sister who has given me enough trust to let me share the same diet plan with her and as a result have already lost 4 kg. I have barely changed what I actually eat which is perfect and I have not had to go to extremes to lose this weight
I am thankful that miss S has chosen and stuck with gorgeous little friends since last year and as a result I have very caring friends who look out for each other.
What things are you thankful for today?
Sunday 12 August 2012
things I know
Linking with singular in sanity for things i know
If you read a fw post below you'll see we've had a shit week as a family and struggling with being a blended family.
Tonight chatterbox is meant to (according to court orders) go back to her mothers tonight. Her mother however is trying to get revenge on my dh for parenting chatterbox different to how she would this weekend so told him she is not picking her up. Dh went around there and tried to talk to her but she literally shut the door on chatterbox's and dh's face.
What I know is....
I could not do that to my own child
to seek revenge on someone else should NOT involve the children you had between you, that is just wrong
On another note....a friend did gel nails for me for free yesterday. I haven't had long nails since years. I know that....
it is harder to type quickly with long nails
it's a bit challenging pushing the 5 point harness seat belt buckle in
they look very pretty and i feel elegant lol
If you read a fw post below you'll see we've had a shit week as a family and struggling with being a blended family.
Tonight chatterbox is meant to (according to court orders) go back to her mothers tonight. Her mother however is trying to get revenge on my dh for parenting chatterbox different to how she would this weekend so told him she is not picking her up. Dh went around there and tried to talk to her but she literally shut the door on chatterbox's and dh's face.
What I know is....
I could not do that to my own child
to seek revenge on someone else should NOT involve the children you had between you, that is just wrong
On another note....a friend did gel nails for me for free yesterday. I haven't had long nails since years. I know that....
it is harder to type quickly with long nails
it's a bit challenging pushing the 5 point harness seat belt buckle in
they look very pretty and i feel elegant lol
Saturday 11 August 2012
My Cherubs
I have been wasting so much of my emotions and energy on the goings on with chatterbox and dh that I forget to focus on what is important. My own children. The most treasured beings in my life. Yes they drive me insane at times but which child doesn't lol. The most insane thing is the older two waking up at 5am and playing the wii. They do it fairly quietly so I am not too worried. This morning we tried to get them to go back to sleep but that was more hassle than what it's worth as it woke up poor bub. Lately I was preparing a pre breakfast snack for them as we can't allow them in the fridge
or little man steals the yogurt and they've been known to grab the jar of peanut butter, a spoon each and eat half the jar lol.
My kids are beautiful though and I have in no way at all been close to the mother I should be for them. This post is dedicated solely to them and I will make an effort to write every week about something special they have said or done and post photos.
The top photo was our day at the park in the school holidays. It was so relaxing. Easy going. I've never spent such a long time at a park. We were there for 3 hours.
The middle photo on the right is Little Man taking Bub on his skateboard down our footpath in the backyard. She tried to do this on her own now little dare devil. The kids ride their scooter or little trikes down the path then all the way down the 3 small steps. and turn just before they crash into the glass door. Any people that come to our house freak when they watch this and hold their breath. I barely turn my head now, they've done it that many times.
The bottom photo is of bub with her new bubba she got for her birthday. Bub kisses, and wraps and nurses bubba all the time, even puts her to bed. Poor bubba had food stuck in her little plastic mouth from bub trying to feed her. We misplaced her the other day and bub was looking everywhere. I found her in the cubby house and called out to bub to show her. Well she dropped everything she was doing and cried out BUBBA and ran up to grab her.
The fist photo on the left is the lego Little man and I did together. First we made the house. He then wanted to build a "fence" around the green tray....and we ended up filling the whole tray. But it was fun doing it and little man loved having that time spent with him.
Middle photo is bub with our beautiful golden retriever. He will be 7 this year. Most beautiful dog, and bub just adores him.
Photo on the right is an example of what Miss s does in her room. She loves her polly pockets and barbie. On this particular day she played for a good hour alone in her room (rare). I came in to watch for a while. She'd filled up the barbie swimming pool with water and had 2 barbies going in it, using the slide attached. Miss s has a great imagination.
This week at big school they had their come and try days for the kids starting kindy next year. Miss S was beside herself excited as she was one of the helpers in her class to help the little kids do craft. i am so proud that she got selected to do this.
Bub has been toilet training herself this week. She literally pushed her 2.5yr old cousin out of the way when she wanted to use the toilet. She climbed up on to the toilet seat herself and did a wee. It was a real effort to get her off after this. A few days later she ran past my sister and I saying poo, go toilet. Lo and behold i was the very proud mummy staring at her poo in the toilet.
Little mans favourite game for the week is to throw whatever he can up on to the shade cloth then use the stick end of the broom to poke it down. If he is feeling cheeky he attempts to climb up there (yes he has been on our roof) but more often than not I catch him out.
Thanks for reading :)
linking with diary of a SAHM for I blog on Tuesdays, and With Some Grace for flog ya blog friday, also with twinkle in the eye for flash blog friday,
or little man steals the yogurt and they've been known to grab the jar of peanut butter, a spoon each and eat half the jar lol.
My kids are beautiful though and I have in no way at all been close to the mother I should be for them. This post is dedicated solely to them and I will make an effort to write every week about something special they have said or done and post photos.
The top photo was our day at the park in the school holidays. It was so relaxing. Easy going. I've never spent such a long time at a park. We were there for 3 hours.
The middle photo on the right is Little Man taking Bub on his skateboard down our footpath in the backyard. She tried to do this on her own now little dare devil. The kids ride their scooter or little trikes down the path then all the way down the 3 small steps. and turn just before they crash into the glass door. Any people that come to our house freak when they watch this and hold their breath. I barely turn my head now, they've done it that many times.
The bottom photo is of bub with her new bubba she got for her birthday. Bub kisses, and wraps and nurses bubba all the time, even puts her to bed. Poor bubba had food stuck in her little plastic mouth from bub trying to feed her. We misplaced her the other day and bub was looking everywhere. I found her in the cubby house and called out to bub to show her. Well she dropped everything she was doing and cried out BUBBA and ran up to grab her.
Middle photo is bub with our beautiful golden retriever. He will be 7 this year. Most beautiful dog, and bub just adores him.
Photo on the right is an example of what Miss s does in her room. She loves her polly pockets and barbie. On this particular day she played for a good hour alone in her room (rare). I came in to watch for a while. She'd filled up the barbie swimming pool with water and had 2 barbies going in it, using the slide attached. Miss s has a great imagination.
This week at big school they had their come and try days for the kids starting kindy next year. Miss S was beside herself excited as she was one of the helpers in her class to help the little kids do craft. i am so proud that she got selected to do this.
Bub has been toilet training herself this week. She literally pushed her 2.5yr old cousin out of the way when she wanted to use the toilet. She climbed up on to the toilet seat herself and did a wee. It was a real effort to get her off after this. A few days later she ran past my sister and I saying poo, go toilet. Lo and behold i was the very proud mummy staring at her poo in the toilet.
Little mans favourite game for the week is to throw whatever he can up on to the shade cloth then use the stick end of the broom to poke it down. If he is feeling cheeky he attempts to climb up there (yes he has been on our roof) but more often than not I catch him out.
Thanks for reading :)
linking with diary of a SAHM for I blog on Tuesdays, and With Some Grace for flog ya blog friday, also with twinkle in the eye for flash blog friday,
Friday 10 August 2012
Building resentment towards hubby
It's an awful feeling. Builds up inside. Eats away at you . You try to forget about it but somewhere in your body doesn't let go. Hold on very tight. You snap, at everything. Things that normally wouldn't bother you, do. Patience you once had...gone.
That's how I feel, every time chatterbox is around. It builds just before she comes. And the resentment is more towards dh that anyone else. With her it's just a dislike. I dislike her, I dislike her coming to the house. But with Dh it's built up over the years. Do I resent him for meeting me, do I resent him for bringing me into his life when he already had kids prior, do I resent tht no matter what I am always going to be the second family. Seems no matter what chatterbox does he will stick up for her, even if she'd put our family at risk , or made up lies about me hurting her. There is so much bitterness coming out of me when he is around.
For 6 years I watched this trainwreck unfold. I tried everything to stop it. At first it was just little things like she wouldn't eat her dinner. So dh let her have whatever she wanted. She'd even go as far as pushing her plate away from her. HE never told her that was unacceptable, instead gave her yoghurt. She'd have a tantrum because he wouldn't buy her stickers in target. Literally laid on the ground and cried. HE bought stickers. She was 8 then. Old enough to know better. Why do I remember all this?? I don't know. maybe it's because it continued like this forever. He NEVER pulled the reigns in on her. When we didn't live together I let it slide. But once we moved in together and were due to have our first baby I started to pull the reigns in. We were one household. One set of rules. No special rules for anyone. Why should there be, Just because hs kids only visited every 2nd weekend it didn't mean it was a holiday house.
He left chatterbox in my care often. Never asked, just assumed. Who wouldn't. I was the SAHM, he was working. We were family. But it started to get to me not after very long when he would leave her as it was convenient for him, even for things like soccer games, soccer training etc. sometimes the whole day. If she was being difficult I disciplined her (never physically). It was verbal, I set consequences and followed through. I would tell dh once home and well he didn't like it. So i was good enough to mind her so he could have a life, but never good enough to discipline her. However if i said the EXACT same things about our own kids....eg "oh gee they were full on today" or " so and so just would not listen" or " everytime i asked them to do something they chatted back" he would sympathise . But with his daughter, no way. Funny though as she used to listen to me. And he knew that. I would only ever give her 2 chances, or otherwise it resulted in whatever consequence it was. And she'd listen. She had her moments, all kids do. But dh knew if he really wanted something done to ask me to ask her as he admitted she listens to me better. But that was because I was firm, I was consistent, I didn't take her shit. Her and I used to have fun. We'd laugh together. Play board games most weekends she came, or the PS2. I was the one who chose her presents as I knew her interests because I listened to her, Every time she came home after school i was there , there to listen, there to feed her, there to help with homework. That did not bother me, it only bothered me when Dh had double standards. I packed her lunch because I knew her favourite foods. Dh tried packing it a few times and I'd say no she doens' like ham, pack a banana instead, she likes that on her sandwich. She'd laugh and say yeh dad, (step mum) knows what I eat.
At our wedding 4.5 years ago chatterbox got up and did a speech. Maybe I should find it and show her. She said how happy she was that her dad and I are together. And how he used to be sad until he met me and now is happy. And She always feels happy when coming to our house. She did that all by herself.
Over the years I kept encouraging dh to build a relationship with her. Little steps...go for a bike ride, have lunch together. Just little things. Not buy her stuff. She won't remember that stuff. But he kept pushing her away. It was easier to let her do and say what she wanted, go where she wants because it meant he didn't have to deal with ehr sulking. We all know how fun a sulking child is...but they can suck it up. I put so much energy into it, into her. Always thought about how can we make her feel part of the family. Dh didn't. Until last year when she knew I was communicating with her bio mum (BM) to try and get dh and BM on track a bit as chatterbox was really playing one against the other once she started highschool. I didn't want D and BM to be friends, just wanted them to be parents and do the best for their daughter. BM SW willing . We still talk regularly. We support each other. Let each other know what chatterbox is up to so we can keep one step ahead. Chatterbox doesn't like this so she starts making up lies about me. Saying I hurt her, saying i told her she is not welcome in this house. That was last year when I said no such thing.
Meanwhile dh chooses now to try and be her "friend" not her parent. Sticks up for her in a non verbal way. She see's that. She sees he and I fight and don't agree with things about her. I think of the future and what trouble she can get in to if she continues this way, and he enables it. He thinks of now, and how to get her out of his face so she isn't pestering him.
So I resent him for letting this happen. For our family to witness this all the time. For the stress it causes. How do I fix it though??
Linking with twinkle in the eye for flash blog friday and with some grace for flog ya blog friday
and with you know it happens at your house too for TGIF
That's how I feel, every time chatterbox is around. It builds just before she comes. And the resentment is more towards dh that anyone else. With her it's just a dislike. I dislike her, I dislike her coming to the house. But with Dh it's built up over the years. Do I resent him for meeting me, do I resent him for bringing me into his life when he already had kids prior, do I resent tht no matter what I am always going to be the second family. Seems no matter what chatterbox does he will stick up for her, even if she'd put our family at risk , or made up lies about me hurting her. There is so much bitterness coming out of me when he is around.
For 6 years I watched this trainwreck unfold. I tried everything to stop it. At first it was just little things like she wouldn't eat her dinner. So dh let her have whatever she wanted. She'd even go as far as pushing her plate away from her. HE never told her that was unacceptable, instead gave her yoghurt. She'd have a tantrum because he wouldn't buy her stickers in target. Literally laid on the ground and cried. HE bought stickers. She was 8 then. Old enough to know better. Why do I remember all this?? I don't know. maybe it's because it continued like this forever. He NEVER pulled the reigns in on her. When we didn't live together I let it slide. But once we moved in together and were due to have our first baby I started to pull the reigns in. We were one household. One set of rules. No special rules for anyone. Why should there be, Just because hs kids only visited every 2nd weekend it didn't mean it was a holiday house.
He left chatterbox in my care often. Never asked, just assumed. Who wouldn't. I was the SAHM, he was working. We were family. But it started to get to me not after very long when he would leave her as it was convenient for him, even for things like soccer games, soccer training etc. sometimes the whole day. If she was being difficult I disciplined her (never physically). It was verbal, I set consequences and followed through. I would tell dh once home and well he didn't like it. So i was good enough to mind her so he could have a life, but never good enough to discipline her. However if i said the EXACT same things about our own kids....eg "oh gee they were full on today" or " so and so just would not listen" or " everytime i asked them to do something they chatted back" he would sympathise . But with his daughter, no way. Funny though as she used to listen to me. And he knew that. I would only ever give her 2 chances, or otherwise it resulted in whatever consequence it was. And she'd listen. She had her moments, all kids do. But dh knew if he really wanted something done to ask me to ask her as he admitted she listens to me better. But that was because I was firm, I was consistent, I didn't take her shit. Her and I used to have fun. We'd laugh together. Play board games most weekends she came, or the PS2. I was the one who chose her presents as I knew her interests because I listened to her, Every time she came home after school i was there , there to listen, there to feed her, there to help with homework. That did not bother me, it only bothered me when Dh had double standards. I packed her lunch because I knew her favourite foods. Dh tried packing it a few times and I'd say no she doens' like ham, pack a banana instead, she likes that on her sandwich. She'd laugh and say yeh dad, (step mum) knows what I eat.
At our wedding 4.5 years ago chatterbox got up and did a speech. Maybe I should find it and show her. She said how happy she was that her dad and I are together. And how he used to be sad until he met me and now is happy. And She always feels happy when coming to our house. She did that all by herself.
Over the years I kept encouraging dh to build a relationship with her. Little steps...go for a bike ride, have lunch together. Just little things. Not buy her stuff. She won't remember that stuff. But he kept pushing her away. It was easier to let her do and say what she wanted, go where she wants because it meant he didn't have to deal with ehr sulking. We all know how fun a sulking child is...but they can suck it up. I put so much energy into it, into her. Always thought about how can we make her feel part of the family. Dh didn't. Until last year when she knew I was communicating with her bio mum (BM) to try and get dh and BM on track a bit as chatterbox was really playing one against the other once she started highschool. I didn't want D and BM to be friends, just wanted them to be parents and do the best for their daughter. BM SW willing . We still talk regularly. We support each other. Let each other know what chatterbox is up to so we can keep one step ahead. Chatterbox doesn't like this so she starts making up lies about me. Saying I hurt her, saying i told her she is not welcome in this house. That was last year when I said no such thing.
Meanwhile dh chooses now to try and be her "friend" not her parent. Sticks up for her in a non verbal way. She see's that. She sees he and I fight and don't agree with things about her. I think of the future and what trouble she can get in to if she continues this way, and he enables it. He thinks of now, and how to get her out of his face so she isn't pestering him.
So I resent him for letting this happen. For our family to witness this all the time. For the stress it causes. How do I fix it though??
Linking with twinkle in the eye for flash blog friday and with some grace for flog ya blog friday
and with you know it happens at your house too for TGIF
Thursday 9 August 2012
thankful thursday
Not feeling very thankful this week due to issues with chatterbox and dh . Which is why I love this linky party as it makes me have to think hard and be more positive.
Today I am thankful that I finally bought new lamps for our bedroom. Mine broke about 2 or more months ago due to me moving the bedside table too far trying to find a mouse. The lamp fell off in the process and broke. So I haven't been able to really sit in bed and read much . I am also thankful that kmart has queen size quilt cover sets for only $19!!! Cheap as chips. Which meant a whole new feel in our bedroom.
Linking with kate says stuff for Thankful Thursday
Today I am thankful that I finally bought new lamps for our bedroom. Mine broke about 2 or more months ago due to me moving the bedside table too far trying to find a mouse. The lamp fell off in the process and broke. So I haven't been able to really sit in bed and read much . I am also thankful that kmart has queen size quilt cover sets for only $19!!! Cheap as chips. Which meant a whole new feel in our bedroom.
why you don't put a hot saucepan on a plastic bowl
Wednesday 8 August 2012
Monday 6 August 2012
when your husband feels like your enemy
linking with diary of a SAHM for I blog on tuesdays and Things I can't say for Pour your heart out
I started reading this book called the real marriage. I imagine it will be helpful...but only if both husband and wife read it. I am only 1 or 2 chapters into it and one thing that intrigued me was that for a successful marriage you need to be friends with your spouse. I thought wow, I'm not a very good friend. Half the stuff I do , don't do, or say to Dh i would never say to a friend. So I tried to slowly change my way. If i felt bitchy I'd think would I treat a friend like that? If i didn't want to do something because dh annoyed me I'd think but would I do it for my friend? If only Dh read that and maybe the weekend wouldn't have been so shit.
All weekend he let chatterbox have his lap top. I tried to warn him not to and let him know she is spending time on facebook but he didn't care. I swear his reasoning is out of sight out of mind. He didn't have to deal with her if she is out of the way. Next thing she is ringing a friend, the friend she should not be communicating with if it can be helped. He allowed it though. Later around 10:30pm I hear her talking on the phone again. I suggest he take the phone off her. A 13yr does not need to be talking that late into the night. But no of course he didn't.
At one stage in the night, around midnight, the dog goes off. A person bark. Little man cried out terrified, I run to him and immediately comfort him. I don't think to look at the back door on my way at all. I assume every night that dh locks it with the key. Especially since break ins occur at least 5 times each weekend night. I lay with Little man for a while then realise if i am in his room I won't hear bub cry so carry him into our bed. Around 1am bub cried for her bottle. Most times I'll give it to her and go back to bed. Tonight I decided to stay in her bed for cuddles and because little man was taking up all the room and dh was snoring like a train. I shut the door so that she is not woken at 5:30am when little man likes to get up and watch rage lol. Little did I know that shutting the door meant not hearing a thing through out the night.
I get up at some ungodly hour like 6am...to the sound of Rage blaring out of the tv. I notice the back sliding door is left open a couple inches. Immediate reaction is to check chatterbox given her history. She was there. So i question dh why didn't he close it. He then tell me chatterbox went out last night without any of us knowing ( i am thinking around the time the dog barked) with her dodgy trashy friends. The cops saw her walking along (on the other side of town) and saw she is a minor so picked her up for her safety and brought her back to us at about 4:30am. WOW. I didn't not hear any of it so I was in disbelief thinking dh was pulling my leg.
I realised he was for real and I felt so angry. I didn't care that she'd escaped. I was angry that she left our door open. She put my family at risk. In this town everyone is on edge thinking it's not a matter of IF you'll get broken into, it's a matter of WHEN. And they don't only take your stuff they play a game of standing watching you sleep til you wake then they run. These people don't care about dogs either. They bait them. Throw meat over to distract the dog then get in. SHE put us at risk of that happening. Not only by leaving our door open but by hanging out with the kind of low lives that do this sort of thing. How dare she. I felt like stripping her bare of everything she had. make her vulnerable like she did to our family. I stripped her of a warm blanket right then and there when I realised Dh was for real. She thinks it's ok to wander around in the freezing cold all night then she does not deserve a blanket. As we travelled in the car together that morning to go out ( as we could NOT leave her home alone )I could not stop myself verbally giving it to her. She could not even look me in the eye. I ask her why, why did she do it?? the answer...dunno. Bullshit it's dunno I told her. You made a choice, therefore there was a reason behind it. She had tears. Well good! I told her what risk she put our kids at last night. Of course she laughed at me. She does not think past herself. I question the post on her facebook about boys asking for headjobs on her facebook wall. She is 13!!! A 13 yr old gets a post like that on her wall. I didn't even know what that was at her age. Again she laughs...oh that was a joke. I tell her it may be a joke to her but to other older boys who do not know her that well don't see that as a joke, they see that as an invitation. Does she care. No. DH sits quietly. Very naively asks...did your friends force you to go out last night??...wake up dh , no way, she initiates this. If only he would read her inboxes from last year (when we luckily had access to her fb password without her knowing) where she was the one telling her friends to sneak out and meet up .
On the way home I inform her she will be scrubbing the bathroom. She tried to say no. i told her not to dare as i would drag her sorry arse into that bathroom myself. We stop at the shop on the way home to get ham. Chatterbox goes in with dh, meanwhile i ring his mother to tell her what happened and get advice as DH was acting like nothing was wrong and being all nice to her. She was shocked at his actions and said he needed to wake up to himself. They get back to the car, I hang up and here's dh and chatterbox laughing sharing a joke between each other. wtf?? she didn't just steal food out of the fridge ...she snuck out leaving our door open!!!
Get home and I prepare a bowl with cleaning liquid, a scrubbing brush and some wipes. Some time later Dh has not come out of the bathroom. There he is helping her scrub it. Laughing together again. now is not the time to be all nice and daddy on her. That time was many years ago but he blew it because he didn't know how to deal with her. I ask why is he helping, and he says because the stuff wasn't working so it was taking her a long time. Hmm, yeh, so what she can scrub harder!!
Next thing he has her bag packed ready to take her back to bio mum (BM). I inform him it's far too early (about 5 hours too early) and why is he doing this. He had no answer. He didn't even inform BM. So i send a heads up text. He turned up and said he was dropping chatterbox off because her and I are fighting. BM told him to deal with it, she deserves everything i deal out to her and shut the door. He drove around for the next few hours just so chatterbox didn't have to get into any more trouble from me.
BM dropped in to see me and we discussed it. She told me she wasn't happy with dh's approach and it is sending chatterbox a very mixed message. I also discussed it with dh's mum on the phone again and she said to me obviously my being nice act didn't work so do away with mary poppins and don't be nice to her not fter what she has done. She told me to point out to dh that the only time we fight like this is when chatterbox is with us so what does that tell him. The best advice was to send him and her camping this weekend to get rid of them so I don't have to watch him let her get away with everything.
What I don't get is only last week I offered to have her live with us and he blatantly refused saying she treats him like shit he doesn't want her around. Now...she treats the family like shit but he drives her away so she didn't have to hear it. A friend wouldn't do that. A friend would stick by the people who have had wrong done against them. But instead he acted like the enemy and stood up for the person who did the wrong ! If she only treated dh like shit I would have continued my Mary poppins act of being nice and lovely and everything was like water off a duck's back. But she wronged my family, she wronged my kids so mary poppins has left.
I started reading this book called the real marriage. I imagine it will be helpful...but only if both husband and wife read it. I am only 1 or 2 chapters into it and one thing that intrigued me was that for a successful marriage you need to be friends with your spouse. I thought wow, I'm not a very good friend. Half the stuff I do , don't do, or say to Dh i would never say to a friend. So I tried to slowly change my way. If i felt bitchy I'd think would I treat a friend like that? If i didn't want to do something because dh annoyed me I'd think but would I do it for my friend? If only Dh read that and maybe the weekend wouldn't have been so shit.
All weekend he let chatterbox have his lap top. I tried to warn him not to and let him know she is spending time on facebook but he didn't care. I swear his reasoning is out of sight out of mind. He didn't have to deal with her if she is out of the way. Next thing she is ringing a friend, the friend she should not be communicating with if it can be helped. He allowed it though. Later around 10:30pm I hear her talking on the phone again. I suggest he take the phone off her. A 13yr does not need to be talking that late into the night. But no of course he didn't.
At one stage in the night, around midnight, the dog goes off. A person bark. Little man cried out terrified, I run to him and immediately comfort him. I don't think to look at the back door on my way at all. I assume every night that dh locks it with the key. Especially since break ins occur at least 5 times each weekend night. I lay with Little man for a while then realise if i am in his room I won't hear bub cry so carry him into our bed. Around 1am bub cried for her bottle. Most times I'll give it to her and go back to bed. Tonight I decided to stay in her bed for cuddles and because little man was taking up all the room and dh was snoring like a train. I shut the door so that she is not woken at 5:30am when little man likes to get up and watch rage lol. Little did I know that shutting the door meant not hearing a thing through out the night.
I get up at some ungodly hour like 6am...to the sound of Rage blaring out of the tv. I notice the back sliding door is left open a couple inches. Immediate reaction is to check chatterbox given her history. She was there. So i question dh why didn't he close it. He then tell me chatterbox went out last night without any of us knowing ( i am thinking around the time the dog barked) with her dodgy trashy friends. The cops saw her walking along (on the other side of town) and saw she is a minor so picked her up for her safety and brought her back to us at about 4:30am. WOW. I didn't not hear any of it so I was in disbelief thinking dh was pulling my leg.
I realised he was for real and I felt so angry. I didn't care that she'd escaped. I was angry that she left our door open. She put my family at risk. In this town everyone is on edge thinking it's not a matter of IF you'll get broken into, it's a matter of WHEN. And they don't only take your stuff they play a game of standing watching you sleep til you wake then they run. These people don't care about dogs either. They bait them. Throw meat over to distract the dog then get in. SHE put us at risk of that happening. Not only by leaving our door open but by hanging out with the kind of low lives that do this sort of thing. How dare she. I felt like stripping her bare of everything she had. make her vulnerable like she did to our family. I stripped her of a warm blanket right then and there when I realised Dh was for real. She thinks it's ok to wander around in the freezing cold all night then she does not deserve a blanket. As we travelled in the car together that morning to go out ( as we could NOT leave her home alone )I could not stop myself verbally giving it to her. She could not even look me in the eye. I ask her why, why did she do it?? the answer...dunno. Bullshit it's dunno I told her. You made a choice, therefore there was a reason behind it. She had tears. Well good! I told her what risk she put our kids at last night. Of course she laughed at me. She does not think past herself. I question the post on her facebook about boys asking for headjobs on her facebook wall. She is 13!!! A 13 yr old gets a post like that on her wall. I didn't even know what that was at her age. Again she laughs...oh that was a joke. I tell her it may be a joke to her but to other older boys who do not know her that well don't see that as a joke, they see that as an invitation. Does she care. No. DH sits quietly. Very naively asks...did your friends force you to go out last night??...wake up dh , no way, she initiates this. If only he would read her inboxes from last year (when we luckily had access to her fb password without her knowing) where she was the one telling her friends to sneak out and meet up .
On the way home I inform her she will be scrubbing the bathroom. She tried to say no. i told her not to dare as i would drag her sorry arse into that bathroom myself. We stop at the shop on the way home to get ham. Chatterbox goes in with dh, meanwhile i ring his mother to tell her what happened and get advice as DH was acting like nothing was wrong and being all nice to her. She was shocked at his actions and said he needed to wake up to himself. They get back to the car, I hang up and here's dh and chatterbox laughing sharing a joke between each other. wtf?? she didn't just steal food out of the fridge ...she snuck out leaving our door open!!!
Get home and I prepare a bowl with cleaning liquid, a scrubbing brush and some wipes. Some time later Dh has not come out of the bathroom. There he is helping her scrub it. Laughing together again. now is not the time to be all nice and daddy on her. That time was many years ago but he blew it because he didn't know how to deal with her. I ask why is he helping, and he says because the stuff wasn't working so it was taking her a long time. Hmm, yeh, so what she can scrub harder!!
Next thing he has her bag packed ready to take her back to bio mum (BM). I inform him it's far too early (about 5 hours too early) and why is he doing this. He had no answer. He didn't even inform BM. So i send a heads up text. He turned up and said he was dropping chatterbox off because her and I are fighting. BM told him to deal with it, she deserves everything i deal out to her and shut the door. He drove around for the next few hours just so chatterbox didn't have to get into any more trouble from me.
BM dropped in to see me and we discussed it. She told me she wasn't happy with dh's approach and it is sending chatterbox a very mixed message. I also discussed it with dh's mum on the phone again and she said to me obviously my being nice act didn't work so do away with mary poppins and don't be nice to her not fter what she has done. She told me to point out to dh that the only time we fight like this is when chatterbox is with us so what does that tell him. The best advice was to send him and her camping this weekend to get rid of them so I don't have to watch him let her get away with everything.
What I don't get is only last week I offered to have her live with us and he blatantly refused saying she treats him like shit he doesn't want her around. Now...she treats the family like shit but he drives her away so she didn't have to hear it. A friend wouldn't do that. A friend would stick by the people who have had wrong done against them. But instead he acted like the enemy and stood up for the person who did the wrong ! If she only treated dh like shit I would have continued my Mary poppins act of being nice and lovely and everything was like water off a duck's back. But she wronged my family, she wronged my kids so mary poppins has left.
Thursday 2 August 2012
was it from God
We go to church most Sundays. We're in a connect group where we catch up with other people from our church regularly. We talk about what was preached at church with each other.
But...we don't pray with each other, we don't really read any bible stories to the kids, and even though we discuss church etc dh and I never really discuss God very much.
So..we find out this week that chatterbox is definitely moving with her mum for 12 mths to the big smoke (which is about 5 hours away from here). We knew it was on the cards. Is it a good thing or not due to all the trouble we've had lately. Then I thought maybe it was our chance to suggest having her live here full time to give her stability. I was open to it despite what has happened if it meant getting her back on track.
Now being not a great prayer as I am not a very good Christian i shot a prayer up to God basically asking do we or don't we take her on.
A few days later my sister and I are doing our wii zumba in my loungeroom. We are not very co-ordinated at all but try to keep up and have heaps of fun. We would never ever do it in public for fear of humiliation. And today we were nearly busted. An unfamiliar red car pulled into my driveway. Quick as a flash we paused the game and acted as though we were just hanging around.
The red car belongs to a lady from church. A lovely lady who noticed Dh and I haven't been for the last 4 weeks and came to check we were ok. I felt a bit awkward but was flattered she cared enough to check us. I explained a little of what was going on and the decisions we were faced with. Just like that she said think of my current little family. Protect them. Focus on them. be the mum I can be to them without added pressure for a while. I swear she was sent from God today. Some things she pointed out i had not thought of.
Sad as it is (for chatterbox's sake) I am looking forward to the thought of having (hopefully) 12 months of a little less stress.
I just Poured my heart out , flogged my blog and flashed my blog and TGIF
But...we don't pray with each other, we don't really read any bible stories to the kids, and even though we discuss church etc dh and I never really discuss God very much.
So..we find out this week that chatterbox is definitely moving with her mum for 12 mths to the big smoke (which is about 5 hours away from here). We knew it was on the cards. Is it a good thing or not due to all the trouble we've had lately. Then I thought maybe it was our chance to suggest having her live here full time to give her stability. I was open to it despite what has happened if it meant getting her back on track.
Now being not a great prayer as I am not a very good Christian i shot a prayer up to God basically asking do we or don't we take her on.
A few days later my sister and I are doing our wii zumba in my loungeroom. We are not very co-ordinated at all but try to keep up and have heaps of fun. We would never ever do it in public for fear of humiliation. And today we were nearly busted. An unfamiliar red car pulled into my driveway. Quick as a flash we paused the game and acted as though we were just hanging around.
The red car belongs to a lady from church. A lovely lady who noticed Dh and I haven't been for the last 4 weeks and came to check we were ok. I felt a bit awkward but was flattered she cared enough to check us. I explained a little of what was going on and the decisions we were faced with. Just like that she said think of my current little family. Protect them. Focus on them. be the mum I can be to them without added pressure for a while. I swear she was sent from God today. Some things she pointed out i had not thought of.
Sad as it is (for chatterbox's sake) I am looking forward to the thought of having (hopefully) 12 months of a little less stress.
I just Poured my heart out , flogged my blog and flashed my blog and TGIF
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