They are my world, my everything. Is it because I invest so much in them that I feel they can take so much from my, physically, mentally, emotionally.
I stress about everything...are they eating ok, are they having too much crappy food, should I be more consistent, how much do you let them get away with, am I cuddling them enough, how is miss s going at school...the list is endless and I am sure anyone could add at least 10 or more points to it.
Some days are hard and you just want to run. You wonder why you bother some days. I sometimes worry I am not maternal enough or connected enough to my children because I have that desire to escape and I can only think of the freedom, being stress free. No yelling at kids because you asked them 5 times to get dressed. Not having to run after bub with the wipes because she poo'd in her nappy , took it off to show you and then ran away with remains on her bum. Not packing lunches every day for school to have most of it brought home because they didn't like it, even though it's food they normally eat every day at home. When I drive I wonder what it is like to just keep on driving. What would happen. Where would I go. Would I feel guilty. At the time i don't. The time I had the thought I don't because I had just spent the morning getting bub off the kitchen benches for the umpteenth time and stopped the other 2 chasing each other and fighting all morning whilst also trying to tidy up after breakfast, get lunches ready and put away clothes.
But the minute I hear a little one cry in fear or pain I know I have that mother instinct because my heart sinks and I want to take their pain away. The tears of joy I had in my eyes when miss s wrote mum for the first time, i knew I had the mother instinct. The fear i feel when for a split second I can't see my child (because he somehow climbed on your roof) or because they are so short I can not see them getting off the bus and think they are lost, I know how much I love them. The way my heart melts when bub says "mummy, lay me" and pats her bed in the middle of the night because she wants me to lay with her then snuggles right in.
I guess we all need a break at times but I know I love my kids because my heart would feel empty without them.
joining with Flog ya blog friday at with some grace
and You know it happens at your house too for TGIF